You are strong!

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This past month has been a roller coaster, Mentally and physically speaking. Everyone always asks if you are “Okay?” I find that question becoming redundant. No, I am not okay, but yes I will eventually be okay. I know they ask out of concern, and it is much appreciated, but sometimes I just want a hug and someone to tell me it is going to be okay. This journey is challenging but worth every minute. Only takes some time to get back to feeling normal again and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I can tell you one thing is making time for yourself and family pay off in the long run. I want this blog to be about a few things this journey has taught u because I know when I am reading blogs I want to learn about how people dealt with certain situations because I could go through the same thing.

Oct 7th of this year, our middle daughter reunified with her aunt and uncle. It was a bittersweet moment for us. I knew her family is where she needs to be, but for the last eight months, I had watched this beautiful child become a beautiful little person. She has truly taught me so much as a mother but nothing prepares you for the unexpected.  We dealt with the death of her father and the separation of her older sister, during those months. Her older sister had to be placed in treatment once they both came into care. During that time I remember her older sister trying to break her ankles and feeling lost at what to do. I had never dealt with a child who was so angry. Once they admitted her sister to the hospital, I was sitting there talking to her and could see that deep down she just needed someone to be there for her. I stayed at the hospital with her for a whole week till they could get her into a mental hospital. I knew that she needed me and I needed her! She kept me distracted from one of the most heart breaking moments I had to deal with as a foster mom. It was a stressful week because we were also in the middle of transitioning our son back with his bio mom. One of the roughest weeks I have had since becoming a Foster Mom. I look back at that week and realize it taught me so much. I am strong, and I’m built for this Mom life.
I need to make sure I give it my all, for my kids! These kids come into care and have no idea what to expect. I can only imagine the fear they have stepping into my home, but if I continue to stay strong for myself, I can be strong for them as well.
When our middle daughter’s dad passed away while she was still in care, I tried so hard to prepare myself for the outcome. I expected her to be sad and depressed. Shockingly, she was just numb to the situation. Again, every case we deal with as foster parents teach us something new as well.
Two days after his death we received a phone call that our oldest daughters uncle had passed. Talk about a double whammy. Once again, I was preparing myself to tell her and figuring out how to help her deal with this. She had a harder time dealing with his passing than our middle daughter with her father. I am not sure if it had anything to do with our support for them or what. I have just realized so much this year, and one thing is EVERY child deals with stress in entirely different ways.
I have never dealt with death personally. So trying to understand what they are going through was difficult on my part. I tried reading books on how to cope and educated myself on that subject. I can tell you from experience no book or google search is going to give you the advice you need when it comes to death. Sadly, it is something I am going to have to experience to know what emotions they were dealing with, To understand what they needed from me during the most robust moment in their life.
A few months after their deaths is so vivid to me. I can remember feeling disconnected from my girls because if either girl was trying to deal with their loss, I wasn’t sure how to react. Of course, I offered hugs, long walks, car rides and just anything to help ease their pain but I missed the biggest picture. I was trying so hard to try to help them escape the memories. What they needed was someone to talk with, to express the beautiful moments about them. One evening, I walked into their room, and they were talking about memories, and I could feel their pain. It finally occurred to me that they just needed to talk. I am learning daily on how to parent and how to deal with everything that comes with fostering but the best thing I can say to anyone who may be doubting becoming foster parents, is you do the best you can with what you have. God will guide you; it may take a minute but worth every lesson taught to you.

You got this!

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*Pictures- google-strong

The happy planner: foster parent life

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I use Create 365 The happy planner to stay organized with our busy life.

It has helped out so much and after many buys later I am very pleased with this one.

So I ended up paying a little over $21, which isn’t bad at all considering  I purchased the planner and sticker book.

The planner includes a box calendar and individual slot dates. Multiple other little features that can be utilized as well.

The Front

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It includes 18 months, notes, goal list, birthday list and so much more.

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The date slots Begin on Monday and end on Sunday. has additional space below for notes

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has the basic calendar in the beginning of each month

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I also purchased Stickers , I bought the Mom life addition. I was excited to see what stickers were going to be in there, I personally will be purchasing other ones. Only reason why is because I unfortunately wont be utilizing majority of those stickers. I enjoyed the purpose for them and it makes the planner fun and creative as well.

The Happy Planner- Sticker book: Mom life addition

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I am hoping to have a YouTube video up soon about the planner to give you all more detail on the planner.

https://www.amazon.com/Create-365-Happy-Planner-Beautiful/dp/B01NBJKTVM/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1505761033&sr=8-5&keywords=create+365

 

 

 

What inspires you?

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Growing up I knew I always wanted to be a mom

But I knew I had to be financially stable to do so. I went to college and got a job as a certified nursing assistant. I worked as a CNA for five years before I decided to change my career. I loved being a CNA, but my passion was hair and makeup. I went back to school and received my certificate within ten months. I immediately started my career, and within four short months, I was writing a business plan.

In 2013, I had purchased my first hair salon. I was so dedicated and motivated. I loved what I was doing! The first time in my life I had a talent that was taking off like a wildfire. Business was going great, and I was enjoying every minute of it. 2 years after we opened the doors, I started to think about starting a family. I knew it had to be through adoption and I was ready to take that leap. My husband and I would joke he would be a stay at home daddy because I couldn’t see myself leaving my job to take care of my kids full time. Little did I know God had other plans for me.

In 2016 we started the process, business was still going strong. May 2016 we get our first placement. They were 10 and seven at the time. I figured out my work schedule and clients were more than understanding of having to take kids to and from school. It worked out perfect. It wasn’t until we started to get infants is when the business began to get rocky. Again I have always wanted to be a mom, but I didn’t realize how much time and effort it took to play that role. I decided to stop taking new clients, and if some of my clients hadn’t seen me in 4 months, I dropped them as clients. I wanted to make sure I had a strict schedule at work so I could focus on my babies after work.

At this time I was enjoying being a mom. I couldn’t get enough of it. I was focusing so hard on my little family I was neglecting my business, and it was showing but deep down I just didn’t care. I still went to work, but it was slowing down a lot because I wasn’t staying committed to my clients. I was giving 110% to my children and was realizing quick just how much my love and passion for my business was dying. I love my shop and clients but I was given this opportunity to be a mom, and I can’t seem to focus on my business. Honestly, I am okay with that. I still see very few clients now, and I enjoy the relaxed schedule at work.

It is crazy to see how life was four years ago. Now I can’t wait to spend any given moment with my children. Motherhood to me has been a complete blessing, and I want to make sure I give it my all. I never thought I would be living this life after I was told I was not able to have kids. Being determined to become a mother one way or another I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

I am having a hard time dealing with the relationships I have made in the last four years with clients. I feel like I have failed them but I know they all understand why I made the decision I did, I am not leaving any customer without any notice, and I have taken care of them to make sure they have a new stylist. I just miss that connection with them, but I am loving all the new connections I am making with these children.

My passion for my business may have died down, but my love for my children has grown so much. I hope to make something of my business later in life, but for now, I will raise these children to become successful in life. I feel blessed with how life turned out, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. It has shown me so much and has allowed me to find my real passion… Being a MOM!

Holding on! 

This week I flew to North Bloomfield, Ohio to visit my grandparents. Haven’t seen my grandmother in 13 years, my Pa flew down last year for my mothers birthday. It was truly an amazing feeling seeing her. Her health isn’t the greatest; I wanted to do nothing more but cater to this beautiful woman. My heart broke just seeing her struggle. We were going through pictures, and she just kept saying if you want them take them. Of course, I want them, but it crushed me because I was looking at a woman who was ready for the end. She has accepted the fact that she will not be here much longer and it hurt more than I expected. 

As the week went on, she kept giving me family air looms, and I felt blessed but broken at the same time. I am not ready but I know she is hurting and she is ready. I so badly wanted to tell her don’t give up, just keep going! Last night, which was our last night there, she asked me to get her jewelry. We started to go through all of her jewelry, and I kept asking the history of them all. I loved all the stories behind them. She gives me a ring and says I want you to have this. 

It was hard taking it; I can’t even really express the feeling. I felt honored my grandmother gave it to me, but I wasn’t ready to take it. Deep down it is because I felt like she was letting go. Age is scary and seeing my grandparents grow old has been hard. It is not easy, but it is part of life. 

It gave me a whole new look into life. I pray my children hold on to that ring and their children do the same. The story behind that ring means so much to me. Hopefully one day it impacts others as it did me.